Darkness is the only thing I see. Ever since the day my life changed. The day that everything and everyone I held close to me ceased to exist.   The day I lost it all and the demons of my past consumed my every waking moment.

I tried to keep others at arm’s length. Tried not to let my darkness taint them. Ruin them. Harm them. And whether I want to admit it or not, as much as I wish I could keep them locked out, they refuse to leave. Refuse to let me suffer alone.

If I hadn’t been so focused on keeping those demons from flying free, I wouldn’t have missed how one perfect angel was able to sneak her way under my skin—refusing to let go. Making me want things I don’t deserve.

She consumes me. Her beauty knows no end. The love she promises tempts me every time she’s near. But that pure heart that makes her MY Emmy is the one thing I’m convinced I’ll destroy if I ever let her close.

I’m a broken man. A broken man with too much darkness in his soul to ever let her light shine upon me.   But even that doesn’t stop me from craving her with every single breath in my body.

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Danielle from Mean Girls Luv Books– ‘From the prologue of this story…it’s just THERE. You just connect on a level that I’m not sure you have even connected thus far in the series.’
Read full review here.

Chelcie from GingerRead Review– ‘The pain in the words on the pages tore me apart. The pure sorrow was so real that all I could do was weep and feel the pain and just keep going.’
Read full review here.

Prologue – Asher

 

“Come on, Coop,” I whisper. It’s dark in the closet, but I can still make out his huddled form in the back corner. “Come on, Coop. Please. Mom will be back soon and you know she’s gonna be mad if she hears us.”

I shift my body so he can see the cracker box I grabbed from the barren kitchen. Mom never brings us food anymore. I’m lucky that my best friend, Joel, lives close and shares his snacks with us or we wouldn’t eat.

He doesn’t ask questions.

Not anymore.

“I’m scared, Ash.”

I ball up my fist when I hear his broken and weak voice. My brother is so small. I just turned ten last week, but I’m bigger. I know Coop is small because he is always scared. Too scared to come out of the closet our mom always makes us stay in.

“We gotta hurry. Move over, ‘kay?”

“’Kay.” His weak voice cracks.

“Are you still cold?” I question.

“Yeah,” he replies weakly.

When I get to the back of the closet, closing the door tightly behind me, I reach out and hand Coop the box. It only has seven crackers in it. They’re old, and I had to get a few roaches out of the box before I brought it back. Coop doesn’t like the bugs that live in the kitchen.

“Don’t you want some?” He holds the box my way, and even though my stomach rumbles, I shake my head no. “You need some too, Ash,” he tries again.

“I’m okay, Coop. I had some before I brought them back. You gotta hurry before mom gets home, okay?”

He nods his head and starts to eat sluggishly. I grab one of the bottles of water Joel gave me last week and hand it to him. His head falls to rest against my shoulder while he takes turns eating and drinking slowly.

He’s getting weaker. He couldn’t get up this morning to go to school. He just kept sleeping, so I stayed home. Mom didn’t even notice. I could hear her throwing up this morning. She’s always throwing up. And drinking the nasty stuff.

I don’t know how long we have been sitting here when I hear the front door bang shut and the sounds of feet stomping around the house. Coop drops the crackers and pulls his legs up to his chest.

“Zachariah Cooper! Where in the hell are you, you little shit?!”

Oh crap. This isn’t going to be good.

“Ash,” he quivers.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

I grab some of the old blankets we sleep on and throw them over Coop. I can hear him whimpering when I crawl over to the door and crack it open.

I know she’s coming.

She wouldn’t miss this chance to show Coop how much she hates him.

But I won’t let her. No. I’m a big boy now, and I won’t let her hurt my brother anymore.

I hate seeing Coop scared.

I’m already standing in the middle of the bedroom when she rounds the corner, her yucky clothes that don’t cover her private parts on and her face smudged with old makeup—I know she’s going to be really mean today.

“Where is that little shit? He didn’t go to school again today. Both of you little shits decided to stay home, and now I’ve got the school poking around, asking questions!”

She tries to get around me, but with her tall shoes on, she can’t move quick enough. That’s all the distraction I need for her to focus her attention on me and not on Coop. Just where I want it.

Right before her hand reaches out and slashes against my face, I promise myself that I will never let anyone hurt my baby brother.
Never.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the Dads out there! I’ll be spending today with my husband and our three little ladies, but I had someone who wanted to share his Father’s Day with you all.

So… I’m going to pass things over to Cohen to tell you just how he made Greg’s Father’s Day special this year!

Enjoy your day!

Xo,
Harper

 

Father’s Day

     “Dilbert!” I’ve been calling his name forever, but he keeps looking at Uncle Davey funny. If I were bigger he would hear me and he would stop giving Uncle Davey those weird wiggles of his eyebrows. “DILBERT!” I scream making all the ladies in Dilbert’s hair place look at me. I just smile and wave before looking back at Dilbert.
“What’s up, my prince of all that is cool?”
“Need your help, Dilbert! I need to get Daddy something for Daddy Day! Mommy told me that you could help me with it since her and Daddy have my girls at the doctor today for their checkers up!” I rush out, knowing that we need to hurry or Daddy will come back before I can get Dilbert to help me.
“Whoa, Cohen! What can Sway help you with?” He laughs and spins in his hot pink tall shoes. I don’t know why he wears shoes like my mommy wears, but he’s really cool so I don’t mind. I won’t wear those silly shoes though.
“Mommy said you can sew! She told me, then she made hotdogs and these cookies that look like witch hats. Then she said that you know all sorts of fun things, but she said you really know how to sew and that if I need you to sew something you’ll do it because she can’t sew to save the lives!” I take a deep breath and wait for Dilbert to tell me he can sew. I know he can because Mommy told me so.
“Of course I can sew! Would I be this fabulous if I didn’t know how to make magic with a little needle and thread? I tell you, I would not! There just isn’t a market for the kind of amazing Sway needs. Come tell Sway what you need my little alpha man in the making.”
I don’t know what an alpha man is, but I know what I need Dilbert to do.
I had just finished telling him every single thing in the world I need him to do when I see my Daddy come in the front door of the salon. The ladies with their heads in the blowing bowls all look over at my Daddy when he walks over to where Dilbert has me standing on the counter in the back of the room. The ladies all get big eyes and their faces get red.
Girls are weird.
“No worries, Cohen-Ba-Bohen, Sway will make it happen,” he whispers.
I give him a nod and jump right when Daddy gets close enough. He catches me with a laugh and swings me around until I’m high on his shoulders. My daddy has the strongest shoulders in the whole world.
“Thanks for watching him so we could take the girls for their check up, Sway.”
Dilbert and Daddy talk for a second and then we’re walking out the door. I can’t wait my surprise for Daddy!

Sunday afternoon Mommy brings a bright gold box to me and laughs, “Here you go Co-man. Sway dropped this off yesterday and I made sure Daddy didn’t see it.”
Mommy smiles and I lean down to give my girls a kiss. They both laugh at me because they love me. My girls will always love me.
Running through the house I scream, “Daddy! Dadddddy!”
“Whoa, little dude, where’s the fire?”
“What? There isn’t a fire! But this is really really important! Here, OPEN IT,” I say loudly giving Daddy the gold box.
Mommy comes up behind me and I go stand next to her. My girls are making their funny noises from the other room where I left them rolling on the ground.
This is perfect.
“What’s this Cohen?” he asks.
“It’s for Daddy Day!”
He laughs and starts to open the box. I can’t stop my body from bouncing up and down. I can’t wait to see it.
When he pulls the top off and moves the paper that covers my gift to him I can hear him make a funny noise. Sounds like that one time I swallowed a fly, that wasn’t fun.
“Oh my,” I hear Mommy whisper. “This is why you asked me if Sway could sew, baby?”
“Well, yeah!” I laugh.
Daddy still hasn’t moved. He’s just looking down at his present and moving his hand over what I got him. He makes a small cough sound and rubs his hands over his eyes before looking up at me. His face is wet, but it isn’t raining inside so that’s weird.
“Your face looks funny, Daddy,” I tell him, because he really should know.
“Yeah,” he whispers. “Did you think about this all on your own, buddy?”
“Yup!”
“Well, son…I love it. I love it so much. Come help me out, okay?”
When he has my present out and Mommy helps him put it on I smile big.
He turns and the bright red cape swings around with him. I smile even bigger when I hear Mommy read what Dilbert put on the back.
“My Daddy is my HERO.” She sounds funny and when I look up her face is wet too.
Whatever.
“YAY! Now we can both fight the bad guys and no one can ever get to our girls! Woohoo!”
I run over and give Daddy a big hug and then hurry over to my girls so I can tell them what I got Daddy!
I look over at Mommy and Daddy one more time and smile really big when I see Daddy hugging Mommy. His back is to me and all I can see is his red cape and the big blue letters that Dilbert sewed on the back.
“Best Daddy Day ever!” I whisper to my girls and they smile big—even if they don’t have teeth.